How to Prepare your Toddler for a New Sibling
“Two’s company, three’s a crowd.” Who coined that phrase? An oldest child no doubt. The bond between a mother and her oldest child is special, but bringing home a newborn baby can affect this dynamic. For me, the excitement of bringing home my second child was accompanied by pangs of parental guilt, as my love and affection would be now shared with newborn.
Some of this guilt manifested itself in strange behavior; I would look away from my newborn son when my daughter walked into the room, and try not to show too much attention to the baby. But I soon found that there was plenty of love to go around, and my feelings of guilt were unwarranted.
When I found out I was pregnant with my third, I did more research and so far, these tips below have made the transition much smoother (and I am able to look at my new baby with my other kids in the room!):
- Acknowledge your new baby. The biggest mistake I made between the first and the second was by pretending like nothing had changed in our family. With our third, I talked openly about the baby-to-be and how much she would love her older siblings. Both my son and daughter responded eagerly to a baby who would love them and became equally excited about the new addition. I was able to reinforce their special place in our family by acknowledging the new baby (and my pregnancy).
- Read to your child. I found it was easier to talk to my children after reading children’s books on the subject to them. There are many books out there on newborns and their older siblings. “Baby on the Way” became one of our favorite books. Eventually, I would overhear them telling people they were going to have a new sister and Grandma and Papa were going to stay with them while Mommy and Daddy were in the hospital. The books definitely got them comfortable with the subject and the real life transition didn’t seem so scary.
- Allow for resistance. If your child expresses feelings of always wanting to be your baby, that’s normal, as is regressing a little when the new baby comes. Don’t be surprised if your little angel exhibits some devil-like tendencies in the weeks and months to follow; try to be patient with them and continue to reinforce your love for them.
- Buy a baby doll for your child. Before the “real baby” arrives, include the baby doll in every day activities…changing diapers, taking naps, etc. There are some great life-like baby dolls at Target that even cry and coo. My son actually still sleeps with the baby doll we bought to prepare them for his new sister. Hopefully he will rid this habit before he goes to college.
- New digs. If you will be using your older child’s crib for the newborn, buy a toddler or twin bed for the older sibling and involve him in the process. It will be exciting for him to pick out new bedding and make him feel like he was part of the decision. Even a few minor changes/updates to their room will alleviate some of their concern over you spending endless hours is something called a “nursery”.
- Little helper. When the baby arrives, make your child “a little helper.” I got a jump on this when late in my pregnancy I had my son running upstairs for everything when I became winded just to walk across the room. By including your child in getting a diaper, a wipe or a glass of water, they feel important and responsible – and you could always use a little extra help! **But of course it goes without saying never to leave a young child alone in a room with a newborn. While they may think they are helping, they could accidentally hurt the baby.
- Tell stories about what the older child was like as a newborn. Look at pictures of when the older sibling was a baby and talk about how they looked and what you did together. I keep a picture of my son and daughter as newborns in their room. That way, it is easy to reference when talking about the new baby and relating her to the older child.
A little extra attention and understanding will help ease the transition of bringing a baby home to your young children. Soon they too will understand that the new, larger family is a good thing, and there is enough love to go around. Readers, please share any tips you have on preparing a toddler for a newborn, I would love to know!
March 10th, 2011 at 6:32 am
Yes…as an oldest child I can tell you…we DID coin that phrase! Just kidding
Love my younger sibs!